The Loneliness of Freedom

Atomization means political “extremism” is here to stay

A record number of Americans now live alone. The U.S. Census shows that nearly 30 percent of the population lives by themselves. It was only eight percent in 1940. Ever since 1980, the number has stood above 20 percent. While not new, the figure continues to increase and shows no sign of reversing itself.

The figure highlights the loneliness epidemic in this country. Americans aren’t simply living alone. More Americans than ever before have no significant other or even friends. They’re completely disconnected from the rest of society. Despite being the most prosperous nation in human history, America is failing to satisfy the basic need of human connection.

It’s not only that Americans are feeling lonely–it’s that they’re disconnected from their roots and fellow man. Increasingly, we’re a nation of free-floating atoms only united by tax burdens. The promise of individual freedom results in stark atomization. This problem will only grow worse unless our society changes.

The data gets grimmer the more  you look into this problem. At least 60 percent of Americans say they feel lonely on a regular basis.  Nearly half of Americans say they have fewer than three close friends. Twelve percent say they have no friends at all. In 1990, just 27 percent reported having only one or two close friends. A 2022 Pew poll reported that 30 percent of American adults are single (meaning they’re not married, living with a partner, or committed to a serious relationship). This is worse among young men. Sixty-three percent of adult men under 30 are single, compared to just 34 percent of women the same age. These young men aren’t having one-night stands either. A 2020 study found that nearly a third of men from 18 to 24 reported no sexual activity in the past year. That figure may be higher now as the rate of sexlessness continues to rise among the general population. 

The loneliness epidemic isn’t just found among the youth, of course. More elderly Americans are dying alone than ever before and a quarter of 40 year olds have never been married. But it’s particularly acute among the people who should be enjoying the best years of their life.

Loneliness literally kills. Suicide is now the 11th leading cause of death and the rate keeps rising. Mental health issues and misery are abundant among the young. For instance, nearly half of all teenagers say they do not enjoy life. Loneliness also leads to a wide variety of physical health problems. The loneliness epidemic also contributes to America’s rapidly declining fertility rate.

What caused Americans to retreat to their holes? The causes are constantly debated and assessed. Social media and other technology plays some role. Americans in the digital age no longer socialize as they once did. The lockdowns also upended human interactions in America and ruined relationships. But these are only partial explanations. The real cause is the dramatic social and cultural transformations our country has undergone.

Conservatives love to cite de Tocqueville’s paeans to American civil society and how this feature makes America great. Some even imagine a strong civil society still exists in this country. This is a complete fantasy. People don’t belong to civic associations, be it a church, a country club, a cultural group, or an Elks Lodge. These institutions created life-long friendships and offered a chance to meet a partner. Now they’re in serious decline. The only part of civil society left is sports teams. This is why so many adults identify so strongly with a sports fandom. It’s the one thing they can find belonging in. The other options have all but disappeared. 

Theoretically in America you can become whoever you want. You can be whatever profession, whatever identity, or even whatever gender you choose. You don’t have to be stuck in the same place you were born and raised. We are a transient nation. You can move to wherever you please. There are countless numbers of activities, hobbies, and subcultures one can take up. And most are given enough time to travel around the world. We may be losing our freedom of speech, but we still have plenty of freedom of leisure.

This expanded freedom can explain the decline in marriage, especially among women. Young women have never lived in an era where they had so many possibilities before them with so few social obligations. They’re no longer expected to marry young and become a homemaker. They’re now expected to go off to college, have a career, and “find themselves.” Middle-class women feel genuinely that they have unlimited options in what they can do–and they don’t know what to do with all the choice. They know that a husband and kids can put a snag in their professional life and their “Eat, Pray, Love” outlook. They put off marriage to enjoy the fun of their 20s and early 30s. Society encourages them to do so and there’s nothing pushing them to change course. Telling women to give up their fun dreamworld to start a family is a hard sell.

That’s not to say this is solely a woman problem. Many young men also prefer non-commitment to marriage. But that’s nothing new. It’s new that women do the same.

All that said, an increase in family formation would probably not solve the atomization crisis. Families exist as islands unto themselves in a sea of disconnected individuals. A family of your own doesn’t revive civil society or act as a large-scale community. It just provides one individual with a few people to rely on. But that unit is still not likely to be part of anything greater than itself.

Conservatives bemoan how so many young people aren’t willing to exchange freedom for obligations, but they fail to grasp how this option isn’t even given to young people. The civil society conservatives fawn over no longer exists. Social and economic conditions make it much harder to form a family. Most don’t willingly choose a lonely life–it’s what they ended up with. 

This new paradigm has winners and losers. For every person who rides the TikTok lottery to five minutes of fame, there are dozens of miserable, unproductive incels. Some have many friends and plenty of dating options, others are completely alone. The number of losers will continue to increase alongside the perception of limitless freedom. 

Important people recognize that loneliness is a major problem. The Biden administration pledged to combat loneliness earlier this year, but it’s unclear how the government plans to increase human connection. The authorities may rethink their sympathy for lonely Americans if they realized that male incels are its gravest victim. Our society detests few groups more openly than incels. The last thing liberals want to do is to help out this marginalized group. Liberals would put the poor incels in a prison camp before they helped them meet people.

The growth of loneliness has already increased political “extremism,” another phenomenon decried by our leaders. They can’t believe so many Americans are turning to the far right or the far left. But it’s no mystery. Americans find meaning and connection in these ideologies. Their loneliness has shown them that there’s something fundamentally wrong with the country, and something radical must be done to change this country. The mainstream options won’t offer answers to their woes. Only the “extremes” will. 

America’s loneliness epidemic means we will never return to the political normal desired by so many on the center-left and center-right. Too many Americans are too miserable to accept an optimistic consensus. Prosperity, video games, and Instagram can’t allay the fundamental factor in domestic turmoil. Only the return of strong communities can solve the loneliness epidemic. But those aren’t coming back anytime soon.

Politicians always promise that America’s best days lie ahead. That may be true for some distant future, but we’ll have to make it through America’s loneliest days to get there.